I have come to the conclusion that I will never be rich, live in a huge home, go on expensive vacations to far away places, drive an expensive car or have a 6 figure job but the fact that I am happy and content out shines all those things. And that is just what they are things, they are not needed for my happiness or my son's happiness.
I have made the decision to simplify my life and not stress out if I don't keep up with the "Jones'".
Keeping all the clutter of life out of my life makes me happy and content and Wyatt will benefit from this way of life also.
Part of this renovation of my life starts with my diet and exercise plan. I made the decision to not renew my gym membership. The stress I felt by making sure to get to the gym on a schedule drove me crazy. I will, when I can afford it invest in a Tabata DVD, which I love, a Zumba DVD, a kettle bell DVD with kettle bells and also a yoga DVD to do at home on my own schedule. No pressure to fit in to a set routine.
I have weight to lose but I am going to no longer stress about it and I will lose it in my own time. I am not 24 anymore, things don't come easy especially losing weight. If I am happy with my body then everyone around me needs to be too and if not I do not need you in my life. I am taking ownership of myself and my weight and could careless what others think unless it is encouragement and support. My son thinks I am beautiful and that is all that matters to me.
The change in my diet is actually the easiest change for me to make. I do not have any associations with food. I eat because we need to eat to survive. I am in the minority I think but I do not have cravings. I don't sit around and say I am craving sweets, salty, or any other foods. This is a blessing for me but it makes it hard to when friends want to go out to eat because I really don't care where we go because I can find something on every menu that I like and enjoy. The reason I got out to eat is to be with friends and enjoy their company not to be picky on the food we choose to eat.
I have eliminated all processed foods from my and Wyatt's diet. That includes refined sugar. I also have made the decision to eliminate red meat from my diet since my body does not process it well any more and I get stomach issues when I eat it. Wyatt still eats red meat and loves it. I do not like chicken much so my protein consists of fish or other forms of protein like beans and legumes. A pro-biotic is also part of my dietary regimen, it helps my stomach issues.
I am blessed to have the life I do. Like I said it is simple and I choose for it to be. I have an amazing son who is the light of my life. He is kind, gracious, generous and growing up to be a wonderful young man.
I have saved money for his college education and beyond so he should have a wonderful start to his life as an adult and not have to struggle like I have had too. I want the best for my son and to not have him worry about a thing. His happiness is my happiness.
I would love to find a man to spend the rest of my life with. That man must be able to love me as I am and also respect and love my son as I would if he had children. He also must be a man of faith and be willing to travel that path with me. He must be strong, assertive, generous, funny, and loving. Those are hard qualities to find these days and I know I am asking a lot. I am happy being alone but I would love to share my love with someone and get married again.
Now being single and not married has is highs and lows. High, a super clean bathroom, toilet seat down and no socks on the floor. Low, a super clean bathroom, I miss the smell of Irish Spring and shaving cream. High, a super clean kitchen, no stray plates hidden in places plates and dishes don't belong. Low, a super clean kitchen, doing dishes for two and only cooking for two makes me sad at times. High, doing laundry for only two people. Low, doing laundry for only two people, I miss seeing men's clothes in my closet. High, going places alone, I am always on time. Low, going places alone, it is lonely and at times I feel like a 3rd wheel. These are times I usually stay home instead. Hanging out with Wyatt is the best in the world. There are so many more but I would have to say that the ones above are some of the things I miss the most.
Life takes work and nothing is handed to you on a silver platter. I will make mistakes, face challenges, get frustrated but I know that all of those things make me a better person and a better mom.
I am reminded of a bible verse, 2 Kings 3:16-20
While the harpist was playing, the hand of the Lord came on Elisha 16 and he said, “This is what the Lord says: I will fill this valley with pools of water. 17 For this is what the Lord says: You will see neither wind nor rain, yet this valley will be filled with water, and you, your cattle and your other animals will drink. 18 This is an easy thing in the eyes of the Lord; he will also deliver Moab into your hands. 19 You will overthrow every fortified city and every major town. You will cut down every good tree, stop up all the springs, and ruin every good field with stones.”
20 The next morning, about the time for offering the sacrifice, there it was—water flowing from the direction of Edom! And the land was filled with water.
Translation: we have to dig a lot of ditches to make things happen. Things will not just fall into our laps because we want them to or wish for them. We need to make our own destiny and take our path in our own hands and we will be rewarded for our efforts. Pastor Steven Furtick says it best below:
- We can position ourselves, learn and get training, but only God can make it rain.
- After we’ve done all that we can do, we have to remember that only God can send favor, mercy, salvation, and healing.
- If you want to see the land filled with water, dig some ditches.
- Dig ditches in preparation for how God wants to use your life.
- You may not see rain or even see clouds, but don’t wait to get to work until you see the evidence of God’s blessing.
- Faith believes it before it sees it.
- Pray for God to start a groundswell.
- Don’t let time talk you out of your dreams.
- Life can beat the audacity out of you.
- God is not done with you yet.
- Do it or die trying.
- True faith has a bit of ambiguity to it.
- No leader is ever 100% sure that they’ve heard from God.
- Keep digging ditches.
- One of the reasons we struggle with insecurity is because we are comparing our behind-the-scenes with others highlight reels.
- If you will dig the ditches God will send the rain.
- If you will do what you can do God will do what only He can do.
- Sometimes it doesn’t seem like anything is happening, but you don’t know what God is doing behind-the-scenes.
- Faith is the evidence of things hoped for and the evidence of things not yet seen.
- Expect God to do great things through your life.
- Don’t dig one ditch… make the valley full.
- Noah looked stupid building a boat until it started to rain.
- When the vision you see around you doesn’t match what God has spoken to you, you’ve got to close your eyes and hold on to what you’ve heard.
- Be a ditch-digger.
- Believe for God to do great things.
The long and short of it is I am taking my life back, getting healthy, happy and full of faith for the long road ahead of me. Don't get me wrong I have plenty of self doubt, pity party moments and poor me moments but when they pass I truly love my simple little life.